


Listen before I go

by Caramel_cinnamon



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Marinette's POV, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 06:28:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramel_cinnamon/pseuds/Caramel_cinnamon
Summary: Marinette gives up. She failed. She admits. She gave in to all the bad luck she's not supposed to have.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 174





	Listen before I go

**Author's Note:**

> Read at your own responsibility.

"Paris really is beautiful. The street lights mirroring the stars. Old, magnificent buildings mirroring the clouds. After some time you don't know what is up and what is down. 

Gentle summer breeze heads down in the alley, I feel it only by my dangling feet. I used to look at the city from up here quite often, but never realizing just how gorgeous it is. Or quiet. Or empty. But that's just another part of it's beauty. 

It felt weird, this loneliness. Lately, I've gotten quite accustomed to it, but this is a completely different thing. I was so used to having Tikki by my side. Always. But now she is waiting in a box on Alya's desk, like she should've been from the very beginning. Along with that damned red box. 

I guess it'll be confusing, realizing you're falling but not knowing why, or who, or where. But that will be only for a few seconds. 

Looking at it now, I might as well fall into the sky. I sure as hell won't know the difference. I better not. That's how these things work.

I gave up. I failed. I admit it. I gave in to all the bad luck I wasn't supposed to have. 

It's just a little sad Chat won't ever find out what happened to Ladybug. Or, the me-version Ladybug. I hope Alya will pass it on, but not take it upon herself. 

I was considering leaving a note. Or notes. To Chat. To Alya. Maybe Nino. My parents. Chloé. Yes, that Chole. Adrien. 

Ha, that one would've turned out pathetic. Last few months have been great. He has been treating me really well. Writing him a letter might've just made me reconsider. But I don't want any of that. I made my peace with this. Now I have to go through it. 

To keep my word, like I should've all those other times I didn't, I'm at least going to keep it now.

I don't know what I'm waiting for, anyway. Oh, right. The sunrise. It would be nice to see it one last time. Not like I deserve to have those 'last time' things. But I was selfish and worthless my whole life, why stop now. 

What would I write in those letters? 

Well, Chat's one would just be a three-page-long apology. Everyone's would, now that I think about it. 

Something along the lines of: Sorry for screwing up literally the most important thing I was supposed to do. Didn't mean to. :(

Never forget that little emoji at the end. Even in a handwritten letter. It was our inside joke. Adding the most ridiculous emoji on the end of our texts. He probably thinks it's idiotic, but I find it cute. 

Would I tell him who I am? Umm, probably not. He doesn't need to try and help my family. And I know he would. Cause he's a sweetheart like that. 

And Alya's? I don't know. We kinda drifted apart after the whole Lila thing, even after everybody realized she's a fraud. Not that we didn't want to go back to how it was, it just wasn't the same. I spent more time with Chloe. Yes, that Chloe. Alya spent time with Nino.

Nino's and Adrien's friendship also wasn't the same. After Adrien came out with his part of the truth, they got into a huge fight. Nino wasn't exactly blaming anyone, but he had to defend his girlfriend. And Adrien had to defend his. Adrien kinda blamed Alya a lot for turning her back on me. 

But that's all behind us now. 

If I wrote to Nino, it would be definitely to apologise for that drift I caused between them. I never meant for the whole class to split, deciding whose fault it really was. 

One part blamed Alya, Rose, Mylene and few others for believing Lila's lies in the first place. For deciding to trust a complete stranger over a dear classmate. 

The other blamed me, Adrien, Chloe and Juleka for not saying anything even tho we knew. Later I found out Juleka also saw through Lila's lies, but it didn't matter at that point. Alya's blog was ruined. Rose's friendship with Prince Ali was gone. Appearantly, people get offended by accusations for sexual harrasment of people they never met. 

And I get it, if I did something differently, maybe things would've been better. But somehow, I gave up after the third time I was almost expelled for bullying Lila, as witnessed by the entire class. 

As for Mom and Dad, I really have no idea. They really did nothing wrong. I mean, they didn't do anything right either, in fact they didn't do anything at all, but that's not the point. I can already hear Mom accusing the school. Dad would probably turn on Adrien, since he was a firm believer that the guy is supposed to protect his girlfriend. But he couldn't protect me from my mistakes. And I wouldn't want him to. 

Silence was deafening, even though the street below was pretty lively. Morning birds went about their day. Cars went around and around. That red one didn't signal before turning left, but no one saw. Maybe they'll cause an accident later. Who knows. 

Ah, right. Chloe. That one would be really weird. How to apologise for years and years of bad relations, and final 8 months of 'Ride or die' friendship? She was the only one who knew I was Ladybug. 

After she got akumatized for... what time was it? Nevermind, after Miracle Queen, she briefly hated Ladybug. This resulted in her hating on Lila even more, since Ladybug and her were 'best friends'. That led her to teaming up with me, weirdly enough, and after a few weeks of trying to navigate this new friendship, we clicked. I saw through her mean facade, she saw through my confident one. 

We related on the strangest of things, hatered for Lila, obviously, than our unrequited love for Adrien, fashion. Then, not long after, she figured out I was the spotted superhero. I thought that would estrange us again, but she broke down, admitting she still adores Ladybug. She just thought I, Ladybug, now hate her and that was her defense mechanism.

After that, she returned as Queen Bee, and we grew even closer. She started setting me up with Adrien. At first it wasn't working, but one night, they had a talk and suddenly next morning, Adrien was head over heels for me. I took what I was offered, I mean, who wouldn't.

We were pretty cute couple, for all 3 and a half months we were together. I broke up with him yesterday. 

I was afraid he would figure out what I was planning to do, but, true to himself, he was as dense as always. It's for the better, anyway.

Is there anyone else? Not that there should be. Even these many people are too many people deceived. Lied to. I lied to my parents. To Alya, Nino. Chloe. To Chat. To my boyfriend. 

I was never happy in that relationship. 

Ok, there I go with the lies again. I was. I was happy. So many times. But each time, the looming truth was shoving its ugly teeth in my face. How could anyone trust me if I lied about a thing like that? And about who I am? And about how bad I mess up everything I touch. 

Alya, Nino, Adrien, even Chloe. They never suspected I was the one who doomed them all. Letting Hawkmoth roam free. Making Chat endure working with such a useless piece of crap. Chloe was blinded by pretty colors and thankfully never pieced 2 and 2 together. My parents, they will never know just how much of a disappointment I am. I was. I will I was. I don't know.

No one of them deserves being pulled by the nose. They saw Ladybug as something great. 

'She fights for Paris everyday and keeps us safe'

Yeah, well, that's not what I'm supposed to do. What I'm supposed to do was to hunt Hawkmoth down, defeat him and lock him up forever.

But now I could never do that.

I could never do that to Adrien.

I found out. Who Hawkmoth is. I came to Agreste mansion one day, first week we started dating. I entered the wrong room. Touched the wrong painting. Everything spiralled out of control. 

I never told anyone. Not even Master Fu. Tikki was asleep in my bag when the whole thing happened, not even she knew. 

It destroyed me from the inside. Every new akuma victim, every accident involving the butterfly miraculous. 

All because I was a weak, pathetic little girl.

So, I told Tikki the truth right before I took off my earrings. The decision is now up to Alya.

The first rays of sun color the sky orange and I know it is my que.

It was time to go.

So listen before I go." - Marinette said as she ended the voice recording. She put the password that she knew only Alya would know.

She put her phone aside as she took one last, deep breath.

She released the powers of the Guardian. 

And then she let go.

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling really under the weather, and then 'Listen before I go' by Billie Eilish came on and I had to get it out somehow. It's 6AM, I didn't sleep at all, so that's why this probably isn't any good. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
